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When it comes to dating today versus before I got married, a lot has changed, but many things have stayed the same. I said “I do” in 2013 after dating my now ex-husband for almost five years. Tinder had just emerged as the hot new dating app, swiping was the hottest thing since sliced bread, and bars were still buzzing with singles mingling. However, when fast-forward to today, and if you want to find an age-appropriate partner over 40, the pool of available and eligible mates is small.
Let’s do the math here: consider the number of men who are married, happily or otherwise, those in relationships, individuals who aren’t spoken for but were mistreated, traumatized, or just not in the mental space to consider dating because of their past relationships, and finally, lifelong bachelors who are more than comfortable with their lifestyle. The men left in your area are few.
I quickly came to this realization when I was living in Austin. I vividly remember when I first started dating again, set up my online profile, and decided to swipe. I was under the impression that I would instantly match with several men who would be options for dating. Unfortunately, I was wildly mistaken, and I even reached a point where the app boldly informed me that no more men were available in my search criteria. It was as if I had unknowingly turned to the last page of a book, but the story had not ended.
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Now, don’t get me wrong. With some improved search parameters, such as expanding my distance and widening my age range to include a couple of years younger and up to 10 years older, I did match with quite a few men. I went out with several of them, and I ended up seeing a few regularly. One I thought I could be in a relationship with, but he proved me wrong. Determined for a successful outcome, I knew there had to be a better way.
So I reverted to my roots and decided to go out and meet people in person the old-fashioned way. You’d see an attractive man at the bar, exchange glances, spark up a conversation, and maybe exchange phone numbers to take it from there. It was so refreshing to talk to someone in real life without the awkward texting small talk. However, once I started working remotely and decided to leave Austin to travel solo and see the world, I knew I would have to abandon my happy hour approach to meeting people.
It was as if I had unknowingly turned to the last page of a book, but the story had not ended.
So, back to the apps I went to. I posted a reel about swiping while I was in Lisbon, Portugal, and it went viral with over 2 million views. The selection of eligible, attractive men in that city appeared bountiful. With over 150 likes, I sifted through the bunch and went on a few dates. The first thing that came to mind was, ‘Sherita, don’t get sex trafficked.’ Clearly, I didn’t, but I was cautious-ish, and luckily, I didn’t have any safety concerns.
I received many questions about dating internationally. Do they like Americans? Do they like black women? Did they pay for the date? What did they expect to happen after one meeting, especially if they were only looking for a hookup? I responded that it wasn’t much different than dates back in America, but the conversation flowed better. I think we both went into the meeting without any expectations. My main thought was to go out, have a good time, and take it from there. Honestly, that’s how you should approach dating anyway. It becomes difficult when you have an agenda and try to fit somebody into a specific box you want to check off.
I’ve had the pleasure of meeting some wonderful people along the way, a couple of whom I regret not staying in touch with. It was a delight to reconnect with them during subsequent visits to their countries. Overall, I must say it’s been an enriching experience for me.
The highlights were undoubtedly the moments shared over delicious meals, accompanied by great wine, dancing the night away, and watching the sunrise. Even in the less glamorous times, when there was no chemistry, I got a nice tour guide in a foreign land, which helped me understand and plan the rest of my trip better.
You have to realize that sometimes, you have to expect the unexpected. The people you normally wouldn’t be attracted to could be the most interesting, and you might have a connection. My final advice is to be open to new experiences, lifestyles, and cultures.
I have been fortunate not to have any bad experiences dating internationally. There are countries that I chose not to swipe in; for example, when I was in Colombia, I didn’t feel safe there in general. However, I have deemed it safer in larger metropolitan cities and affluent countries with stable economies or a high number of tourists.
Generally, I will talk to them or FaceTime beforehand to ensure they are who they say they are. We meet in a well-lit, neutral location and go from there. Am I looking for anything in particular? No, but do I hope to find something that clicks and may change my travel or life trajectory? Absolutely. And I’m always open to possibilities.
2 Comments
Poppy Baird
Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an incredibly long commentbut after I clicked submit my comment didn’t show up.Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Regardless, just wanted to say great blog!
Sherita Janielle
So sorry your comment was lost! But thank you so much for sending this one. I appreciate the support.