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Have you ever met someone and instantly thought, “Have all my past relationships failed because I was waiting to meet you?” It may sound like a hefty statement, yet at the moment, in my delusional mind, it was undeniably true. I would have never even fathomed the idea that in my 40s, I would encounter someone who immediately seemed like the perfect match. After life’s twists and turns, you have to become open to all possibilities, including making concessions. Yet the only thing that seemingly might make the situation less than ideal was that I was taller than him, which, given my height of 5’10”, is not uncommon.
His style, demeanor, chivalrous behavior, and wit drew me in instantly. I felt like I had met someone who delved so deeply and quickly to learn about me, assess our compatibility, and connect on multiple levels. The passionate goodnight kiss seemed to seal the deal, only for him to confidently cancel our third date and declare our journey over without hesitation. So much unfolded so swiftly, and I transitioned from envisioning the start of what could have been a romance for the ages to an abrupt farewell.
The First 24 Hours
It was a casual Saturday morning in DC, and I was staying with a friend in the city for an extended period of time. Out of mere curiosity, I decided to start swiping. A few profiles caught my eye, so I swiped right. While a few reciprocated, one conversation in particular truly sparked my interest. It felt refreshingly open and honest, imbued with what I would later mistake as a sense of intentionality.
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The effortless back-and-forth dialogue flowed seamlessly, with us bonding over our shared love for travel and discussing our mutual aspirations to live abroad in the coming years. Given my status as a digital nomad, he playfully inquired about the duration of my stay in town. In response, he quipped, “I hope one month is enough time to fall in love.” I found it endearing at the time, but looking back, perhaps I should have been a bit more cautious.
We agreed to meet in person that evening for what was supposed to be a drink, but it quickly turned into a full evening. He chose the venue, arrived punctually, and greeted me warmly upon my arrival. Sparks ignited immediately as he remarked that I looked even better than my photos. The connection felt electric with drinks flowing and conversation effortlessly spanning from lighthearted banter to deep introspections usually reserved for later dates.
We delved into family stories, shared travel experiences, discussed life goals, and even exchanged thoughts on partner expectations. Time seemed to slip away unnoticed, and before we knew it, six hours had passed. As he leaned in for a kiss, I couldn’t help but feel that this was the beginning of something truly special.
Even after such an extensive conversation, we decided to extend the evening with another drink for a nightcap. At that point, one could easily have mistaken us for a couple dating for months, judging by how we held hands while strolling down the street and engaged in comfortable conversation at the bar. As we lingered, he glanced at me and asked, “What day do you think should be our anniversary? Since it’s past midnight, is it today, tomorrow, or the next day?” With a smile, he walked me to my car, and at 2 am, our first date came to a close.
The Next 48 Hours
Still beaming from the night before, albeit a little tired, Sunday began. We exchanged text messages in the morning, but nothing excessive. Both of us found ourselves enjoying the great outdoors in our respective neighborhoods, sharing photos from our hikes. As the afternoon unfolded, he suggested that I cancel any plans I might have had for Thursday and join him for dinner instead. Since I didn’t have any plans, I enthusiastically agreed.
He took care to choose a restaurant that catered to my preferences, even going so far as to check for any concerns regarding my almond allergy. As the evening progressed, we began to reminisce about our previous date. He asked if there were any memorable moments, and naturally, I had a few to share. I mentioned how he had been attentive enough to sweep my hair off my neck when he helped me with my jacket—an act of thoughtfulness that didn’t go unnoticed.
The messages continued, and we openly communicated about our feelings, ensuring we were on the same page. He placed great value on honesty, having undergone therapy and possessing a level of self-awareness and emotional connection that I had not encountered before.
As Monday began, I received a thoughtful good morning text while he walked his dog. Our exchanges flowed effortlessly, with a flirtatious undertone. He even teasingly mentioned that a new boyfriend might be in my future. It became evident that he had done his research on me, delving into articles on various sites, conducting a deep dive into my Instagram, and allowing Google to lead him down a lengthy path.
I always harbored concerns when people delve too deeply into research, as it can lead to forming opinions about someone without truly getting to know them. However, he reassured me that he liked what he saw. Feeling confident, I took a further step and shared my podcast with him so he could gain insight into my thoughts on relationships. Buoyed by this, I sent him a voice note expressing my belief that we were in a good place—intrigued by each other and eager to deepen our connection through spending more time together. His response, “Most importantly, you are spot on where we are with each other,” reassured me further.
The Last 24 Hours
The idea of seeing each other before Thursday had been tossed around lightly in the conversation, so as Tuesday began, after he sent me a good morning text along with a photo of himself, I asked him if he had any plans after work. He returned with maybe we could see each other and he suggested happy hour. We were pleased to have cut the time for our date, and we gladly went along with our day.
As I walked into the bar at 5 pm, he was already there, waiting for me once again with open arms. We cozied up to the bar and settled in for what would be another marathon date. More at ease and comfortable, yet still giddy like a schoolgirl, I sat while we discussed life, religion, the past, and the future. Occasionally, we found ourselves holding hands, exchanging soft touches, and sharing subtle glances, unable to contain our smiles. Everything felt right.
As the night progressed and the wine flowed freely, thoughts of the future began to surface. He inquired about when I would return to DC after leaving at the end of the month. In response, I expressed that the beauty of my current life situation allowed me to be wherever I wanted to be, and it seemed like being there with him was the appropriate choice. His smile and the way he gazed into my eyes spoke volumes. The conversation deepened, and we shared intimate details about our pasts—a level of vulnerability that perhaps wouldn’t have come so soon under normal circumstances, but the urge to share and connect was undeniable.
As the evening drew to a close, we found ourselves chatting in Spanish with some travelers from Argentina, marveling at the commonalities we shared. As I waited for my Uber, a passionate, lingering kiss was exchanged, and we became lost in each other, sparks flying everywhere. We both expressed how happy we were to have met, and it became clear once again that this was something special.
One potential roadblock that had emerged early on was the fact that I didn’t have my own place there, and he was a full-time dad, making it difficult for us to visit each other’s homes at the moment. However, he shrugged it off, and it didn’t seem to dampen our spirits. Upon returning home, I sent him a message expressing my desire to cook him dinner, as I love to do, but lamented that it wouldn’t be possible right now. In the morning, we both seemed to be okay with that, and I apologized for possibly getting ahead of myself, expressing my excitement about seeing him again the next day.
After not hearing from him for most of the afternoon – I received this message at 3:30 pm.
Sherita, I like you too and have a lot of fun with you. Ultimately, though, we are in very different places in life and unfortunately, that is going to be a problem for me in building a relationship. I am going to have to say good-bye and wish you the best of happiness and luck in finding what you are looking for. Big hug and kiss.
And just like that, our romance was over.
The Aftermath
I sat with the text for a minute before I responded. So many emotions rolled through me—disappointment, disbelief, sadness, and even anger. I found myself questioning everything. Was I duped? Did I miss something? What did I do wrong? How could things change so quickly? How did this end before it even had a chance to begin?
I wondered, did he just tell me things I wanted to hear, or did he come to some profound revelation in the past 6 hours that led him to know with conviction that I was not the one for him? Then it all came rushing in—I realized it was plain and simple. I was not the one for him, and he was not the one for me.
You want someone to choose you in the same way that you choose them, and when they don’t, they simply aren’t your person. It was evident that we had a connection, and I was eagerly looking towards the future. I got caught up in the excitement of no red flags, ready to dive in headfirst. I remind myself that the quickest way to do something is often to take it slow. Even though nothing physical accelerated our relationship, our conversations and connection seemed to be racing at 100 miles per hour.
Perhaps there was an unspoken pressure to get to know each other quickly—did our dates have to last for hours on end? Did our conversations have to delve so deeply, so rapidly? Maybe that was our own doing. However, in hindsight, I wish we had taken things slower. Not to change the outcome but maybe just so lessen the emotional connection so quickly.
This was undoubtedly the quickest relationship I’ve ever experienced, but do I regret those 13 hours we spent together over our two dates? Not at all. It taught me so much about myself because the questions he asked me were ones no one had ever posed before. I’m confident that there’s someone out there for me, and honestly, I believe there’s someone out there for everyone. They may not be in the geographical area you’re looking in, and they may not fit your picture-perfect image of a partner, but love exists—it’s out there. You have to be open and ready to receive it.
