In the past decade, I’ve lived a whirlwind of experiences. I went from being married to getting divorced, relocated to three different states, and ventured to over 25 countries. Along the way, I’ve savored incredible highs, like landing roles in a commercial, TV show, and movie all in one remarkable week. But I’ve also weathered profound lows, moments when it felt like my world was crumbling, and tears flowed for days on end.
Through this rollercoaster ride, I’ve strived to maintain a resilient spirit, embracing each challenge with a positive mindset and a determination to grow. I actually learned a lot life lessons in my 30s, some unfolded gradually; other took time to really sink in. Hindsight is always 20/20, and these invaluable teachings have become the bedrock of my journey, shaping my outlook and guiding my path forward.
Don’t Try to Accomplish Too Much at the Same Time
An abundance of ambition is a quality that’s certainly not a mistake, however what you do with it could be. Growing up, my mom, like many supportive parents, instilled in me the belief that I could achieve anything I set my mind to. Perhaps I took this advice a bit too literally and encountered some setbacks as a result. It’s unclear whether I was trying to compensate for other areas of my life that felt lacking or if my ADHD brain thought juggling multiple endeavors was a brilliant idea – I can assure you, it wasn’t.
The mental toll began to weigh heavily on me as I struggled to prioritize amidst a myriad of pursuits. With so many irons in the fire, some will inevitably heat up, but there’s a risk of the fire burning out before any of them truly catches flame. Despite achieving moderate success in various endeavors, I found myself exhausted and lacking a distinctive identity. While being proficient at many things may sound appealing to some, in pursuing excellence and establishing oneself in any industry, it’s challenging to stand out when you’re spread thin, perfecting a multitude of skills.
So, I’ve adopted a new mantra: Do Less. I’ve learned to narrow my focus to one top goal and with some reverse engineering, channel my energy towards achieving it. By embracing this mindset, I’m navigating the next phase of my life with purpose and determination. Instead of spreading myself thin across multiple pursuits, I’m directing my efforts towards what truly matters, paving the way for greater success and fulfillment
Work Harder, Not Smarter
This phrase just rolls off the tongue but living it is very different than saying it. A common pitfall for many entrepreneurs, and it often stems from a scarcity mindset, I became a victim of my own work ethic. The relentless urge to constantly do more, whether it’s driven by the desire to increase income, validate one’s worth, or avoid the anxiety of idle time, is not a sustainable approach to life.
This lesson manifested itself a couple different ways, I used to tie my sense of worth directly to my income, believing that if I wasn’t constantly working, I wasn’t making money. However, I soon realized that this mindset was hindering my ability to achieve my lofty financial goals. While there are exceptions, such as jobs with high commissions, for those of us living gig to gig, paycheck to paycheck, working harder often leads to exhaustion rather than increased earnings. I’ve come to understand that true financial success is about working smarter, not just harder, and finding ways to generate income even when I’m not actively working. It’s a shift in perspective that has been transformative for me.
Secondly, I learned the importance of delegating tasks. Just because a task needed to be done didn’t mean I had to be the one to do it. Outsourcing, while it comes with a cost, saved me a tremendous amount of time and energy. By hiring a virtual assistant to handle tasks that shouldn’t have been occupying my time, I freed myself to focus on activities that not only brought me joy but also had the potential to increase my income. It was a game-changer that allowed me to reallocate my efforts and prioritize other areas of my life.
…I felt compelled to maintain the facade, fearing how it would be perceived if I admitted to needing support or guidance.
Don’t Be Too Concerned With Optics
I began my journey in modeling at a young age, and with it came the pervasive notion of striving for picture-perfect perfection. Despite never viewing myself as flawless, I found myself unintentionally embodying the image of someone who seemingly had it all together when I created my online brand. I became the epitome of “how does she do it?”, perpetuating an illusion of unshakeable positivity and resilience to my friends and followers.
Amidst the facade, I grappled with my own disappointments and struggles. However, rather than seeking help or being transparent about my challenges, I felt compelled to maintain the facade, fearing how it would be perceived if I admitted to needing support or guidance. This misguided belief led me to internalize stress and anxiety throughout my 30s, unaware of the toll it was taking on my well-being until my therapist shed light on the issue.
I’m not advocating for airing one’s dirty laundry, but reflecting on my own experiences, I realized that when my life was undergoing significant changes—like moving to different cities and going through a separation from my ex-husband—many people remarked on how happy I seemed. And don’t get me wrong, I was genuinely content with myself and my journey. However, I allowed the fear of how it would appear to be going through tough times to prevent me from reaching out to those who could have offered me support and a listening ear when I needed it most. It’s a realization that has taught me the importance of being authentic and vulnerable, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Learn To Be Comfortable Being Alone
I never realized how many people were constantly present in my life. Despite considering myself a fiercely independent woman who didn’t rely on others, I came to understand that I always had someone around, whether casually dating or in more serious relationships. However, after my divorce, I found myself truly alone for the first time. I had been so busy going out, being present, and immersing myself in social scenes that I never allowed myself the time or space to simply sit and reflect, to be by myself.
Even on those rare occasions when I stayed in on a Saturday night, it was usually due to sheer exhaustion rather than a conscious choice for self-care. Then came my first solo trip, five weeks in Portugal. I’ll admit, I thought I was going to lose my mind being alone for so long. But as the trip progressed, I found myself feeling better than ever. I had the time and space to process my emotions, to simply sit and be without feeling the need to be constantly active.
By the end of the trip, I felt a profound sense of calm and peace. I realized that I had done myself a disservice by not prioritizing this time alone in the past. Now, I’m able to sit with my thoughts without feeling anxious, and it has made a world of difference in my overall well-being.
Let Go of Relationships That Don’t Serve You
This topic hits close to home on many levels, and it’s something we’ve delved into on my podcast. Let’s talk about the importance of evaluating the relationships in your life and recognizing when certain connections no longer serve you. I once wrote a newsletter on this very subject, urging readers to take stock of the relationships they invest in that don’t reciprocate their efforts.
And let’s be clear: this isn’t just about romantic relationships, even though I am guilty of that too. I’ve personally held onto friendships for far too long that ultimately left me feeling drained and undervalued. It’s easy to overlook the toll these relationships take on us, especially when we’re busy being the “good friend.”
But here’s the thing: I’ve learned to prioritize my own well-being by cutting ties with those who are selfish, toxic, and don’t genuinely care about my best interests. I’ve stopped holding onto relationships where my feelings were disregarded, and it’s been a liberating journey.
Nowadays, I don’t hesitate to let go of what doesn’t serve me. And you know what? It’s lifted a tremendous weight off my shoulders and freed me from unnecessary stress.
I truly hope this article resonates with you and prompts some introspection about where you stand in your own life. If you find yourself recognizing any of these mistakes or currently navigating similar challenges, know that you’re not alone. We’re all on a journey of growth and self-discovery, and sometimes that means learning some tough lessons along the way.
But here’s the thing: recognizing these mistakes and actively working to overcome them is a powerful step forward. It’s all about progress, not perfection. So, if you’re in the midst of learning these lessons, know that you’re making strides toward a better, more fulfilling life. And trust me, the sooner you internalize these lessons, the brighter your path forward will become. I’m right there with you, cheering you on every step of the way.
